People Are The Worst:

Prof Kammerzelt
Critique By Creating
5 min readJun 3, 2018

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and other rules for a happy life.

North Ave Beach, Chicago | Memorial Weekend

No matter where you live or what you believe we all wake up with the same relentless suspicion: Something is not right with the world. Things are not supposed to be this way. Like it or not this is the reality we all live in. To this I offer a few basic rules to help navigate a happier life.

Rule 1: People are the worst.

You don’t have to be a theologian to believe in original sin. Have you met people? We’re the worst. We simply ruin anything good. Our daily thoughts and behaviors are proof enough. You’ll find our trash in the most beautiful places. We will divide along the thinnest of lines. Those closest to you will eventually hurt you. Left unchecked, betrayal, violence and oppression are the norm.

Accepting this means that our response should be unlimited grace. You can’t expect people will just do the right thing. Why would we? We’re clearly not naturally good at being people. Therefore all of us need to constantly be extending grace, patience, understanding, and forgiveness in order to do better by one another.

Next time your favorite thing gets ruined or frustration and disappointment in others begins to swell — “What is the matter with people!?” — Just remember Rule 1 — “Right, we’re the worst, duh” — and come to your senses. You’ll find you will be happier for it.

Rule 2: No one cares.

Much of being upset is thinking people should care or wondering why they don’t. That’s a selfish fantasy. No one cares. Even loving spouses struggle to care about the other’s day. No one is excited about your promotion, vacation, relationship, or birthday. More than likely, no one is thinking about you at all. Why are we like this? See Rule 1.

Accepting this means that our response should be unrestrained thankfulness. Expecting otherwise does not result in the gratitude it should. Anytime anyone is not being the worst and genuinely caring about you, they are proactively choosing selflessness — and that is something to recognize, appreciate, and never take for granted.

An infinitesimal amount of people on this planet will ever show you kindness. When someone shows you any true care, be thankful and show them that thankfulness. Just don’t walk around expecting it. You’ll find you will be happier for it.

(Pro-tip: Your kindness does not obligate others to you — that’s rule 1 level selfishness or manipulation, not actual kindness.)

Rule 3: It’s not about you.

You will be miserable constantly trying to make things about you or being disappointed that it’s not. 7.6 billion people are on this planet and each at the center of their own narrative. All with complex lives and internal universes just like yours. Not one lays awake thinking about the mistake you made 10 years ago. No one remembers your outfit. It’s not about you.

Accepting this means that our response should be unfettered freedom and bravery. Our lives are of little consequence to the grand narrative. Yet it still includes you anyway. How amazing is that! This means we are free to create bold, adventurous, and selfless lives.

Stop caring what others think or trying to make it about you. Life doesn’t follow a script, much less with you at the center. Stop trying to write one or gauge your happiness on how well your self-composed narrative is working out. Instead, decenter: accept it, roll with it, and reverse it — looking for ways to serve others and put them first. You’ll find you will be happier for it.

Rule 4: There is always someone cooler.

Thinking you are a star or that you should be is agony. There’s always someone cooler or better looking or wealthier or more talented…and for that matter…less cool, less attractive, less well off. You are no match for the life you wish you had. Comparison is the chief thief of joy.

Accepting this means that our response should be to live unburdened by comparison. We are all entirely normal. We are all miraculous time-traveling astronauts and if you’re reading this you are likely part of the richest .01 percent of humans to ever live. Thin slicing that .01% into more divisive comparison is mass madness.

Everyone from advertisers to politicians to social media are profiting off our needless nature of comparison. Creating more and more idealistic media and increasingly unhappy people. If you can divide discontent people you can profit from them. Feel like this world is consuming you? It is. Stop comparing. Be as you are. You’ll find you will be happier for it.

Rule 5: Technology hates you and wants you to fail.

How many times has the printer not worked right before a due date, a battery failed right when you needed it most, or a social site reached out and wrecked your day? Technology hates you and wants you to fail. Plan on it. Seriously, plan for it. It’s out there right now lulling you into a false trust and plotting against your deadline, your ability to connect with others, and your happiness.

Accepting this means our response should be to detach our actual lives and emotions from our technology — especially our media. All of the above lives most vividly in our new mediated realities. This technological amplification and extension of our human nature reveals even more about the way things are and how far we are from the way things are supposed to be. People are the absolute worst online.

No technology will sustain us. No device will fulfill us. None of us are the characters on our screens. You are not your social media profile. It’s time we all stop interacting with one another as if we were. You’ll find you will be happier for it.

“What makes earth feel like hell is our expectation that it should feel like heaven.” ~Chuck Palahniuk

What do you think of these 5 cynical rules for sanity? Did I miss anything? Do I have it all wrong? Comment below.

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